Ninjas and Sharks and Rockets, Oh My!

Today (Sunday the 22nd of September) is huge for me. I have discovered the world of products I apparently cannot live without, all because of the convenience of Sunday morning television. Who knew? 

The Ninja blender is all-new and will do everything all those thousands of dollars worth of kitchen appliances would do… it makes bread dough, ice cream, juices, dressing, just damn near everything. And all for just 5 easy payments of something… $44.95, I think. I just glanced into my kitchen, and already all my other appliances have big red circles with lines slashed through them, including, for you older SNL folks, my Bill Murray BassMaster. (Roughly $1500 worth, according to the Ninja folks, although I don’t know where they found my receipts because I certainly didn’t keep them). But the Ninja, in only 10 minutes, is already old news, because now I am discovering the Shark Rocket! Revolutionary. Sure we’ve THOUGHT there were vacuum cleaners before now, but how wrong we were! This Rocket thingy is unbelievably beyond amazing. A motorized brush, for one thing. It’s a no-loss-of-suction-upright for 4 payments of 39.95 and you would not believe all the extra stuff you get with it absolutely FREE. But only during the next 14 minutes, I think

There simply isn’t enough room to  tell about all the amazing, I mean AMAZING things just these two appliances will do, and my guess is, if I simply keep watching there will be even more amazing things, all with FREE stuff, that I will discover this morning. And it’s also amazing how much you WON’T pay for any of these items.

Only thing is, when you are telling your friends about any of this, it is necessary to shout as loudly as possible, and use every superlative in the English language you can think of. Get out your dictionaries, you’re gonna need them. Also, if you’re writing, make sure you have an inexhaustible supply of exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



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